Quite surprisingly, these are words I have heard many times, usually accompanied by a dropped jaw and wide-eyed expression. These words surprise me because people seem to think that because I am relatively successful, charismatic and extroverted that I couldn’t or shouldn’t have any sort of mental health struggles. The reality is quite different.
I have struggled with my mental health since I was a young boy. The issues would manifest themselves in many ways – severe bouts of depression, isolation, never feeling like I fit in and eventually they turned into suicidal ideations and numerous suicide attempts as a teenager and a few more later in my adult life.
I was adopted by two wonderful parents when I was just a few weeks old from a mother and baby home in Cork – Bessborough. I don’t remember my parents telling me I was adopted. I must have been young enough that I just grew up with that knowledge and it became a part of me and my identity. It wasn’t until later in life (my early 30s) that I began to realise through the help of a wonderful psychotherapist that being adopted had played a bigger role in my mental health struggles than I was willing to admit or had recognised. I’ve continued to see a psychotherapist at least monthly for the last almost 8 years. I can not stress enough the value of speaking to a trained professional, no matter how big or small the problem.
I remember being held by my birth mother in a dark room in the mother and baby home in Cork. I can still describe every aspect of that room from the furniture to the wallpaper and I have a faint memory of the smell (damp and musty). Yet, I have never been in that room after I was adopted. I was no more than 2 months old in those memories. My birth mother, who I’ve now met, confirmed my memories were accurate.
Why do I share that early memory? Because since I left that building my whole life has been filled with a hyper-awareness of my surroundings, people and situations. And often in my relationships – an intense fear of being left alone again. I am always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. My mind is always trying to see what is going to happen next, trying to read the room, see who the people are and if there is any sort of threat.
As you can imagine, this is intensely tiring on the mind and body.
BUT …. This hyper-vigilance is something that, now in later life I have come to accept as a kind of superpower. I see things that are likely to happen before they do, I can sense a dangerous person or situation very quickly and in my business life – being able to foresee any issues and understanding the people involved in any situation is hugely beneficial.
In actual fact, the very thing which has caused my mental health instability and struggles throughout my life is now something that I now embrace as my super-power! Not quite sure I’m a superhero – but I have a superpower.
I think if our society learns to reframe mental health struggles as potential superpowers in disguise – then we will be much closer to finally removing mental health stigma from the world.
Next time you are surprised to hear someone struggles with their mental health – maybe enquire what their superpower is?
